Thursday, October 16, 2014

Jason


{Our last picture together - taken just minutes before you met Jesus}

It has been one week since I held you in my arms for the last time.

Your beautiful eyes would stare into mine...

My heart aches for you and my arms long for you.

I've never known such pain and sorrow.

The grief that comes with losing a child is painfully real and raw.

I never would have imagined your time here on earth would be so short.




I dreamed of seeing you healed and learning to communicate with us.

I dreamed of you riding in your new wheelchair that was ordered and on its way.

I planned your birthday party for today -

 never knowing that you'd pass away just one week before your 7th birthday party.

I planned the cake and had the party hats ready -

anxious to celebrate you my sweet boy.

I imagined your sweet smile as we gave you your brand new backpack

 filled with new clothes picked out just for you.


You and I had a special bond and I lovingly called you "my JJ".

You'd cry and then I'd pick you up and all would be okay with the World.

You returned from the hospital after being admitted for two days.

They gave you the all clear and released you.

I was so excited to have you back home with us.

Because without you the house felt simply empty.

Your oxygen levels remained low -

 so you continued on oxygen being monitored by the nurse.

Because it was Staff Meeting we brought you in the meeting with us.

You received extra cuddles and were smothered with love.

So thankful my sweet boy am I for that day.

After the meeting finished I felt drawn to hold you close again.

Whispering sweet words to you and how much I truly loved you.

We listened to worship music as I sang quietly to you as you cuddled in my arms.

As the song started singing about heaven your breathing became labored.

I called the nurse inside and then my sweet boy all too soon you were gone.

We immediately began with CPR and continued as we drove to the hospital.

They ran inside as I quickly found a parking spot.

As I ran into the emergency room,

I knew you were gone.

The doctors shared with me how sorry they were.

Yet grief filled the air.

We grieved for the loss of you in our lives.

It was a bittersweet moment.

For so long of your life you struggled for every breath.

You were a fighter -

Fierce, Brave and Strong.

Because of your Scoliosis you would always have difficulty breathing.

Your lungs and heart worked so very hard.

But in that moment that you met Jesus,

it must have been the most beautiful thing.

I imagine what it felt like for you to breathe sweet heavenly air.

Finding your lungs healed and whole.

Your body no longer being affected by Cerebral Palsy.

I imagine you jumping and dancing for joy.

As Jesus picked you up his arms..

I imagine you and precious baby Arthur seeing each other again.

My eyes fill with tears at the thought that you my boys are together again.

Oh my boys, how much sweeter heaven is.

Dance my sweet boys dance!

Although my heart aches and the tears continue to drip

I imagine what its like for my boys to no longer struggle

and that brings me such joy.

But for all left behind we grieve, we miss you and we remember you.

Because you my sweet JJ are worth every heart ache,

every tear and every painful breath.

Loving you was worth it all and even more.

Your life was valuable.

You were so loved and we are so thankful you were part of our 'Gem' family.

Once your a 'Gem' you're always a 'Gem'..

And you my sweet boy will never be forgotten.

I love you my sweet JJ.

Always and Forever.

Hold baby Arthur for me okay?...

Xoxo

6 comments:

Renee said...

Oh, dear Emma, I am so so sorry for the deep losses you have experienced. The deaths of Arthur and Jason are heartbreaking. But you grieve with hope knowing they are in the arms of Jesus! Please know you and your staff and sweet Gems are in our prayers.......cool
Renee and Joel

Anonymous said...

I'm sorry for your loss and pray that you will have peace as you grieve. It's wonderful that Jason can dance with Jesus now!

Sandy said...

Emma, I am praying for you in these hard times you are going through (growing through?)

All kinds of things I could say, but basically I am praying.
With big hugs for you, your mom, and all your team.
in His love,
Sandy in the UK

Marsha C said...

Such a sweet memorial. Truly remarkable. Praying hearts will be healed from the pain of loss.

Marsha C said...

Such a sweet memorial. Truly remarkable. Praying hearts will be healed from the pain of loss.

Adriana Knot said...

No words...
♡♡♡