Friday, April 15, 2011

Hardest words to say "Goodbye Edith"



Last night the hardest thing that I have had to do happened,
I had to say "Goodbye" to my darling Edith.

She told me the day that I arrived in Uganda
 "TAR TAR"
She wanted me to take her to the car
I said "No Edith no car"

She said "BODA BODA!"

Meaning that she wanted me to taker her on the motorcycle.
She wanted me to take her far away.
Just Edith and Me.
I had to tell her "No Edith No boda boda."

With all of my heart I wanted to jump in the car and take her far away.
I wanted to jump on the Boda, and take her with me far away,
 Just Edith and Me.

She stayed with me all week. Never leaving my side -
Everyday and afternoon,
That I came to volunteer at the baby home she would run with a
 BIG smile on her face and throw her arms around me.

We are buddies Edith and Me.
She would hold my hand and talk and talk.
She told me "I love you Emma" 
for the very first time.
The first time she has ever said I love you to anyone.
All of her life she has never felt loved,
I feel so privileged that she would chose to LOVE me.
That she would feel loved enough from me,to want to love me.
At night she would cry and cry when I left.
Not understanding why I wouldn't take her with me.
Not understanding that I love her so so very much.
Not understanding that there is nothing in the World that 
I want more then for her to come home.
She sits in her bed at night crying.
…Wondering…
Why I won't take her home.
Why she isn't good enough.
My heart is breaking in millions of little pieces.
All day yesterday I told her I was leaving.
Going to America.
On an Airplane.
But that I was coming back in 7 weeks.
Her face got all sad and depressed and she said "NOOOO".
As night time approached I could see the difference in her 
attitude all withdrawn and quiet.
As dinner came and went, it  was potty time and then bath time.
I waited  to dress her and pulled out some pJ's   
{that I brought from the states for her.}
They fit her perfectly.
She looked so snuggly and beautiful.
I dressed her and then we went and sat on the bench and rocked and talked.
She shut down.
I believe she understood that I was leaving her,
that she couldn't come home with me.
That to protect herself she had to
Shut down.
she snuggled in my arms as I whispered in her ear  
that i love her so much and prayed for her.
She fell asleep in my arms. 
As tears rolled down my face.
I believe she shut herself down because she wanted to remember that moment of feeling loved and safe.
But if only I had my choice I'd take her home right then.
I rocked her and rocked her praying she wouldn't wake till morning.
I tucked her in to bed and kissed her check.
My sweet Edith I will miss you everyday and be praying for you my sweet girl.
I love you Edith,
Don't forget me.
Love Mama Emma.

17 comments:

Tony and Rett said...

Emma,

Didn't you mention she'd be leaving soon? Where is she going?

I pray that you and your daughter can be united once again.

Much love (and tears) from the states...

Scrappy quilter said...

Emma, you have me crying. What a sweet relationship with this little one. Hugs

Chad Candace said...

How heartbreaking! I hope to hear the stories when Kim M gets back home. We have been praying for you all. I know someday...she will come home to be with you forever. Love and hugs to you all!

aroundtheworldin40weeks.com said...

Oh Emma!
Breaks my heart.
You have been so faithful. God will carry on to completion the good work he began in you and in Edith.....you can trust that he will.
tears for you and sweet Edith

Taylor McAllen said...

I love your heart Emma. And I love you! I am so sorry you had to say goodbye to your sweet Edith. I know that is REALLY hard to do. But you will see her soon! :) I can't wait to meet her. I am praying for you!!

Julie Hoagland said...

Reading this.....lips trembling, tears spilling....heart aching for you both!

Cheremi said...

Oh Emma... that broke my heart. Sweet Edith... sweet, sweet girl. I will pray for her too... and for you.

Marissa said...

Hey Em,
I just found your blog recently and have so enjoyed reading your posts. Wow... it's awesome that you're following God's leading in your life and loving these little kids. Very encouraging.

Man, that is so sad. :( I can sort of imagine how you must feel right now... absolutely devastating.. I'm so sorry. I hope the next 7 weeks goes quickly for you and Edith.
~Marissa

love said...

tears, tears, tears. oh emma, i know these feelings...from that exact bench you are sitting on. i know them and my heart is broken. yes, for me, but for THEM. may God protect her heart & she somehow know how very, very much you love her & that you are coming back.
praying for you, her, all of them.

Offset said...

That was beautiful. Edith reminds me of Rose, a little 8 year old girl I met during my time in Haiti. She was always running up and jumping in my arms or singing as she followed me around the orphanage. Kids have a special way of grabbing a persons heart.

Katy said...

I will pray that there will be some way for you to have her as your own. God can do any thing!

Miss. Jinny said...

Oh Sweet Em tears are flowing down my cheeks as I read this!! I am praying for you sweet friend. Praying that God will give you and Edith both peace. That He will protect Edith and remind her that you love her and that you are coming back. Remind her that she is worthy of love and that He made her for a plan and a purpose. I love you sweet friend.

carie said...

i am sobbing. may God bring her a family so soon. xoxoxo

Anonymous said...

I am so glad that you will be going back there in 7 weeks.
I thank God that we have you changing the world of a child in need one at a time.

The Family said...

Thank you for sharing this very personal thing with us. I just prayed for you and Edith. The words you used and your understanding of her "shutting down" is really such a profound thing - such wisdom you have Em!

CARE Families said...

I'm praying for you and Edith my sweet "African sister." I am sooo praying.

your "African" buddies in Pagosa, on their way to Kenya.

mark, lisa tavin, taleah

Laura said...

I am crying as I am reading this post, Edith sounds like such a sweet little girl. They way you describe her makes me want to run over to Uganda and hug her myself. Atleast you will get to go back in six more weeks!!!

In Christ's love,
~Laura